I am in love with my ex. We had a short but intense and amazing relationship. I was in a bad space however and I cheated on her. I regret it so much and I tried to make it up to her but she was too hurt to forgive me. We slept together a few times but she couldn’t get over it and then I ended up hurt.

Dan & Caroline December 17, 2012
I am in love with my ex. We had a short but intense and amazing relationship. I was in a bad space however and I cheated on her. I regret it so much and I tried to make it up to her but she was too hurt to forgive me. We slept together a few times but she couldn’t get over it and then I ended up hurt.

She has just dumped her boyfriend and I saw her out this weekend. We didn’t speak but she kept looking at me really longingly. I didn’t approach her because she was so clear last time that it was over. I would like to see her again but I tried so hard last time and I don’t want to get hurt again.
Dan says

“I’m a big fan of moving ahead in time rather than backwards. And short and intense while it sounds amazing are usually the comments I hear from people in a potentially dysfunctional and need based relationship. I think a lot of the time we put “cheating” or “treating someone badly” in the I’ve got issues category. Rather than looking at it a little deeper and saying maybe my subconscious knows something I don’t and was trying to get me out of a relationship with someone that deep down wasn’t right for me.I’d also be looking at your belief system and saying do I really really believe that I deserve to be in a loving, happy, relationship? If you don’t, then chances are if you get back with this guy, you may self sabotage again.So, next question? Are you hurting now not being with this person? Which hurts more? Living every day from now on not giving it your all to try and reconcile. Or, giving it everything, being told there’s no more chances and being mentally and physically free to find someone that is willing to be with you?

The potential pain of being hurt is far more intense than the actual pain of being hurt. It’s easier said than done, but the reason why you are so scared of the hurt is that you don’t believe you’re awesome just as you are. If you did, than no one else could ever really hurt you, because that’s their behavior and choice independent of the awesome person you are. At some point in life, you’ve believed that “You’re not a good person” and let someone else’s opinion decide whether you are amazing or not. I’m almost guessing here, that this may stem from the relationship with your mother. Love was given and taken away when it suited her, and deep down, you don’t believe you really deserve it. If you focus on healing this part of your life, I can almost guarantee that you may lose attraction for this person and want someone stronger who will call you on your shit, and be able to deal issues in a healthy and grown up manner :-)

Caroline says

“Aww, hun. The old in-love with your ex scenario. I’ve been there myself and it sucks. I really believe you need to either grow a set of balls, tell her how you feel, wear your heart on your sleeve and take a chance….Or, decide for whatever reason your are not going to pursue a relationship with her and move on. This quote sums it up best.
“In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited too long to make. There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn’t, who never did and who always will. So don’t worry about the people from your past, there’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.” Unknown