I just found out this person I’ve started spending time with has a boyfriend. I really like her but I don’t want to be anyone’s second choice. Do you think she’ll leave him for me?

Dan & Caroline December 20, 2012
I just found out this person I’ve started spending time with has a boyfriend. I really like her but I don’t want to be anyone’s second choice. Do you think she’ll leave him for me?

Dan says

“I do know of people who have had affairs, the partners left their respective husbands/wives and are in love, happy and going strong 10 years down the track. Yes, it does happen and it can work out. Still, the way i look at it is do you really want to be with someone who would possibly repeat the same behavior to you, should you be going through a rough patch? When people have solid belief systems and are happy in their relationship they don’t cheat. Fact.Decide, do you want to be living a partly dishonest relationship, feeling like you’re coming second to someone else, having to sneak around, really not committing, and having someone else dictate your boundaries for you? If you do, i say good luck with that. If you go into a relationship with a preset list of future lifestyle changes the other person will hopefully make for you, rather than taking them as they are, yeah well… good luck with that also.”

Caroline says

“I know it can be tempting start something with someone who is in a relationship but my advice is to stay completely platonic until she is single. I think you should have a look at yourself and ask why you are wanting to get involved with someone who’s not available. Is there a possibility that you have commitment issues or are insecure and looking for the affirmation of someone choosing you over someone else? When growing up, did you witness affairs or love triangles? If love was a drama when you were growing up, you may be attracted to people with traits or in situations that will create drama in a relationship because that feels like love to you. If she feels the same way about you, how she handles the situation will show a lot about her character. If she wants to fool around on her boyfriend with you, then you can pretty much guarantee that if you do end up in a relationship with her, not only will you be paranoid of her cheating, it’s highly likely she will do the same thing to you. And is that really the type of relationship you want?