My girlfriend smokes pot everyday. She says she can handle it but she is becoming forgetful and moody. How can I get her to stop?

Dan & Caroline July 2, 2012
My girlfriend smokes pot everyday. She says she can handle it but she is becoming forgetful and moody. How can I get her to stop?

Dan says

“There are always going to be things about people that you don’t like. But generally not liking a behavior in someone says more about you not being able to accept them as they are then it does about them. I think that usually a behavior that we don’t like in someone stems from a strong value we hold true in our own lives that we unrealistically expect the people close to us to live by.That said, I’ve been around people that smoke weed every day and I know how it affects people and I’m not a big fan either. You definitely need to have the conversation, focus on the behavior not the person, and do your best to come from a place of love and caring rather than negativity and judgement. Then ask yourself the question, if this behavior continues for the rest of my life and I could never EVER do anything to change it, and had to live with it, what would I do to be able to cope and be ok with it?”

Caroline says

“You can’t. You can tell her that it’s affecting her and that it bothers you but it’s up to her if she stops. What you can do is decide what you will and won’t tolerate being around. If she is a air-headed bitch when she’s stoned, you can choose to not hang out with her when she’s been smoking the devils lettuce.You can’t control anyone’s behavior, you can only control yourself. I would approach it very gently, say how it makes you feel when she acts a certain way and come from a place of concern and empathy. If she needs to get high everyday, there is something she is numbing herself from. Try helping her address why she is escaping from reality.”